


The Geeko and the Fashionista

by SlytherinHowl



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everything Is Ridiculous, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, F/M, Fashion Designer Stannis Baratheon, Geeks, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, My Also Sorry Attempt At Stansa, Not fully abandoned I want to keep writing this, Out of Character, Pop Culture, Shopping Malls, my sorry attempt at humour, probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2020-10-14 16:47:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20604041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlytherinHowl/pseuds/SlytherinHowl
Summary: The last thing renowned fashion designer Stannis Baratheon ever imagined himself doing was working in a comic book shop. The last thing secret geek Sansa Stark ever wanted to do was to work atBaelish Coutureright next door.What neither of them knew was that sometimes, not getting what you want leads to even better rewards.





	1. What the fuck is a ‘Geeko’?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first excursion to the Stansa corner of the internet. I watched _Phantom Thread_ a few months ago and all I could think was _ooooooooooooooo this is good fanfic material_. As someone who writes mostly Jorah/Daenerys, I tried to make them fit in that setting, but that didn’t work. I was trying to write some Stansa for a while, so I decided to give it a try. Problem is, my brain is a little shit, so what was once a serious, dramatic story became Ridiculous McStupid Jr. Sorry not sorry.  
That said, I know fuckall about fashion. I bet Daniel Day Lewis is not happy with me for turning his glorious swan song into a joke.  
Either way, I really hope you enjoy!

Stannis Baratheon is a proud man. Proud of his work as a tailor and designer, proud of his achievements, proud of his name and of everything he built with it. Proud as he is, Stannis was filled with murderous rage when his inept brother Robert bankrupted Baratheon Clothiers and acquired so much debt that Stannis himself had to step in to try and stop his brother from further dragging the Baratheon name through the mud (which not only was absolutely futile, but resulted in Stannis losing about everything he owned). 

Stannis Baratheon is a proud man, so standing in a _ridiculous_ shopping centre waiting for his job interview at Baelish Couture, of all places, is an enormous blow to his pride. He hates shopping centres as much as he hates Petyr Baelish and his _ridiculous_ idea of fashion. He hates working under people, especially under conceited, dishonest rats like Baelish. He hates his _ridiculous_ brother. He hates the smell of fast food from the food court and he hates the _ridiculous_ shop next to Baelish's, full of _ridiculous_ computer addicted teenagers who laugh at the _ridiculous_ sign above the shop, 'Geeko', a _ridiculous_ green gecko dressed as Darth Vader or something. Everything is _ridiculous_ and Stannis hates it. 

Stannis Baratheon is a proud man who hates many things, including not being able to pay his bills, so he took a deep breath and walked into Baelish's _ridiculous_ shop. The small man with the, you guessed it, _ridiculous_ beard was waiting for Stannis with an evil smile on his face. 

“Ah, Stannis! A pleasure to see you,” Baelish said in his sleazy drawl, “Sweetling, pour Stannis some tea.”

He gestured to a young redhead a little behind him, without taking his beady eyes off Stannis’ tall frame. The girl - who Stannis noted was familiar, even though he didn’t remember ever meeting someone quite so stunning - bowed her head slightly at Baelish’s order and poured him tea while Petyr Baelish led him inside, smiling even more predatoriously than before. Two pairs of blue eyes met and Stannis could swear he saw recognition then pity written in the girl’s features. He gritted his teeth, cursing his brother for the millionth time since the bankruptcy of their company. He didn’t want anyone’s pity and he certainly didn’t want to be employed by a total creep, if only destiny would understand that. 

“So, Stannis… The tide has turned against Baratheon Clothiers, I see,” Stannis had to clench his fist to stop his hands from moving on their own accord and slapping the satisfied smile off Baelish’s face. The smug man continued, “you are lucky I am willing to offer you a position here at the House of Baelish.” 

“If?” Stannis spat. 

“Easy, my friend! I am a a man of keen eyes, I know how to recognize a good opportunity to bring renowned tailors to my side.” 

“_If?_” Stannis repeated, even angrier than before. Baelish put his hands up in feigned defeat. 

“Very well, if you sell whatever’s left of the Baratheon Clothiers brand to me and the rights to the Proudwing suit Collection, a Proudwing suit is a Proudwing suit, ruined reputation or not.” 

“No,” Stannis said resolutely. He would _never_ give up his life’s work to someone like Baelish. 

“Then I must be mistaken. Last time I checked your financial situation had gotten quite dire. You had to sell your house and your car, yes? To pay the enormous debt you and your brother acquired,” Baelish’s assumption that Stannis was responsible for Robert’s irresponsible management of their company made his blood boil. 

“No.” 

“Well, then,” Baelish’s smile turned into a displeased thin line, “since you can’t seem to understand how mutually beneficial my proposition to you is, I believe no deal will be made.” 

“Indeed,” Stannis said ferociously, pushing himself off the chair with too much force. He cursed himself a thousand times for considering a deal with the small, pompous man. Stannis would much rather work at McDonald’s than to hand Baelish his life’s work. 

“You’ll regret it, Stannis,” Baelish said behind him, but Stannis didn’t turn back to look at him. 

The disgraced fashion designer exited the shop in a hurried, barely sparing a glance at the redhead at the front. He didn’t want anything to do with anyone working for Baelish, even if the girl looked outright uncomfortable in that place. Once out of Baelish Couture, Stannis carded his hands through his black hair almost desperately. He needed a job, any job. The ringing of his phone against his chest snapped him out of his trance. It was Shireen calling. 

“How was it, Dad?” Shireen had inherited some of his bluntness, not to the point of being rude, but it ensured that she had a matter-of-fact, don’t-beat-around-the-bush air to her. 

“Awful,” Stannis grumbled. He heard Shireen sigh on the other end. 

“Dad, I could always work full-time, to help you-” 

“No, Shireen, I’ve told you that. You won’t stop going to university. I’ll find something, _anything._ I’ll work at the ridiculous shop next to Baelish’s if it comes to that, _but you won’t stop your studies to help me pay for your uncle’s debt_,” Stannis said proudly. He would never jeopardise his daughter’s future like that. Shireen was bright and promising and if he had to drive an uber or clean toilets for her to get her English degree, so be it. 

“There’s nothing wrong with working at Sam’s shop, Dad. He’s a great guy. Besides, you don’t have to have a fancy, high paying job to be dignified. We’ll get out of this together,” Stannis knew she was right, but it was difficult for him to accept his new situation. He was about to reply to his daughter when a tap to his shoulder interrupted his train of thought. A young man with a round, childlike face covered with a dark, patchy beard looked at Stannis expectantly. 

“I’ll call you back, Shireen.” 

“I, uhm, didn’t mean to… snoop into your conversation, sir. It’s just that, is the Shireen you were talking to Shireen Baratheon?” The young man asked nervously. 

“Yes, she is” Stannis answered, his brows furrowed. 

“Then you must be Stannis. I’m Samwell Tarly, I’m good friends with Shireen,” Sam offered his hand to Stannis, who hesitated a bit before taking it. He didn’t remember the young man, but if Shireen was friends with this Sam, then maybe Stannis could trust him, “your daughter told me that things have been… complicated for your family lately.” 

“Yes,” Stannis huffed. There it goes. 

“Well, I don’t often offer jobs to people who call my shop ridiculous,” Samwell’s friendly face turned stony for a moment, “but, uhm, I just lost my last employee, who’s also my girlfriend and you’re unemployed and you’re also Shireen’s dad, she’s helped my so much through the years…” 

“What are you trying to say, Samwell?” 

“You need a job. Any job. I need an employee to help me sort through my stock and keep track of orders and finances. Any employee. I would also like to thank Shireen for being nice to me when no one else was. So, I don’t know, if you want the job until you find something that’s more up your alley, it’s yours, I guess,” Sam finished nervously, yet his eyes were strong and sure.

Stannis took a deep breath, glancing at the Darth Vader gecko on Sam’s shirt. Stannis Baratheon is a proud man, so working in a comic book shop in a shopping centre is less than ideal, but Shireen’s words rang again in his ears. He could have bowed down, he could have accepted Baelish’s deal, but Stannis Baratheon is a proud man, so he looked deep into Samwell’s round eyes and shook his outstretched hand.


	2. What the fuck is a Funko Pop?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... this story has apparently not been abandoned! I have been struggling with my motivation to write, which has plummeted much like my mental health. I am trying, though and this week I made some progress, got this chapter out, finished some other oneshot, left the house, talked to people... I'm sort of pleased with myself?   
I really enjoy this story and surprisingly (I tend to hate everything I write) I think it has some potential. I'm not sure how good this chapter is, though, because all I've done was turn Stannis into Mr. Oblivious Dumbass. Also, weird Jorah/Daenerys cameo that took me ages to write because I didn't want to write them as the tol/smol beans I usually write them as but it was _hard_ because they're my ultimate OTP.   
I really hope you guys understand. I'll try my best to keep writing, I really will! Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

A little over a month passed since Sam hired Stannis and for the first time since Sam opened his shop he knew where everything was in his storage room, because Stannis had cleaned it of all the unused shit Sam hoarded there and organized it in alphabetical order. The older man was insanely efficient and very good at keeping track of everything, from sale patterns to manga placements, so much that Sam was _almost_ forgiving Stannis for forcing him to remove the life-size Predator that hung from the ceiling (“that thing unnerves me, Samwell. I can’t work with it staring at me”). Stannis Baratheon would be the dream employee if it wasn’t for one small detail: he had _no fucking idea_ what most of the things he sold were. 

One afternoon, Stannis was answering e-mails, both Sam’s and his own, when a couple entered the shop. He nodded at them, mentally frowning at the dragon tattoo on the silver-haired woman’s arm and at the man’s half-open yellow shirt. He could almost hear Shireen scolding him for judging people’s clothes. The two went about the shop hand in hand, talking quietly and thankfully ignoring Stannis. The doorbell rang again and this time the tall redhead from Baelish’s shop entered. Stannis felt something fuzzy in his stomach as she smiled at him and murmured she wanted to see Sam. _“Don’t be such a ridiculous fool, Stannis. You’re much too old to let the other head do the thinking.” _After a while of trying not to stare at the graceful girl who worked next door, Stannis noticed the couple approaching him. 

“Hi,” the man greeted him in a hoarse yet polite voice. He had his strong arm around the smaller woman’s shoulder, possessively pulling her to him. Stannis scoffed inwards at his display of affection towards the frankly intimidating woman, “do you still have the Cat Hermione Pop?” 

The **_what?_**

Stannis gawked at the pair for a while, whose neutral expressions became expectant, then confused, then outright angry, especially the woman’s unnerving violet eyes. 

“The Funko Pop, mate!” she spat impatiently. 

_Funk-O? What the fuck is a Funk-O?_

He had no idea where to start searching. Stannis knew what and where the mangas were, he knew there were odd-shaped dice and card games on a shelf at the front, he knew there were toys all around the shop, but he had never heard of Funk-O’s before. He also knew that Hermione was a character in _The Winter’s Tale_, but he had no idea why they would have anything Shakespeare related in the shop. Stannis gingerly tried typing a few things on his computer, but nothing showed up on the system. The woman grew angrier by the second and even the man raised an eyebrow at Stannis’ incompetence. 

“It’s ‘Funko’, one word. H-E-R-M-I-O-N-E. It’s from Harry Potter, Seven Hells!” 

Stannis was growing frustrated at the customers much like they were frustrated at him. He would have a word with Sam regarding the kind of people that pranced into the shop thinking they ruled the world. 

“Excuse me, is it this one you’re looking for?” a soft voice interrupted them and the three turned to see the redhead girl holding the Pop in question. 

_Those blank-eyed monstrosities are called Pops?_

“Yes, your colleague was having trouble finding it,” the man said with a hint of disdain, but still not matching his girlfriend's tone. 

“Oh, I don’t work here! I’m just helping. He’s new.” 

Stannis felt the shame burning his throat. He had been humiliated many times in his life, but the feeling was always horrible, especially because he saw the disappointment in the younger woman’s eyes and he knew he had messed things up before they were even introduced. The angry glares the two customers shot them also didn’t help him feel any less incompetent. Luckily, his businessman side got his back and Stannis decided to give the couple 15% off on the purchase, not to please them (_“Rude bastards.”_), but secretly to show the redhead he was not a complete failure. Sam wouldn’t be pleased with him for not know what a Funko Pop was, it wouldn’t matter if he lost them some money as well. At least the blonde woman didn’t cause too much of a scene. When the two exited the shop, Stannis was left staring awkwardly at the woman who worked next door. 

“Did you seriously not know what Funko Pops are?” she asked in total disbelief. 

“I did know what they were. I just didn’t call them that.” 

The tips of his ears were as red as her hair. Why was he acting like a moronic teenager all of a sudden? He’d seen his fill of beautiful women and none of them had made him behave like a fucking idiot. 

“What did you call them?” 

“Ugly.” 

Stannis did not expect her to burst into laughter. He gawked at her, bent at the waist and clapping her hands with such spontaneity. _“She’s laughing because I’m pathetic.”_ After what felt like ages, she faced him again, wiping tears from her eyes. 

“You have no idea what any of those things around you are, do you?” 

Stannis huffed annoyedly and shook his head. She raised both eyebrows at him, “didn’t Sam teach you anything?” 

“He taught me to use the system and where he keeps what in the shop.” 

“Nothing related to the items you sell?” She asked. Stannis shook his head again, “wow, even Baelish had the decency of teaching me the basics.” 

His face soured at the mention of the sleazy, dishonest man who tried to rob him of his last reason to be proud. The woman seemed to notice the change in his countenance and her expression softened as she placed a placating hand on his forearm, which of course sent his brain into overdrive. 

“If it makes you feel better I didn’t even know how to hold a clothespin properly when I started. You’ll get the hang of it eventually.”   
“I don’t know… This place makes no sense to me. I truly don’t know what any of those things around me are.” 

“I can help you learn the basics, if you’d like?” there was a bit of nervousness in her tone, “so that the ‘Pop incident’ doesn’t happen again?” 

Stannis looked at her for a little while, trying to gauge what her offer implied, but he forgot he was fucking shit at reading people. He was always a rational, pragmatic man, not one to be ruled by his feelings. He would not say yes to her simply because he thought she was stunning and had the most infectious laugh ever. _“It is because of my job. I need to do well at my job. I must not fail Shireen or myself again.”_ Yeah right, Stannis, keep on believing that. 

“That… would be good.” 

“Lovely! I usually take my lunch break at 12:30 PM, you could talk to Sam to see if you could take yours at this time too.” 

“I’ll talk to him.” 

“You didn’t tell me your name.” 

“Oh! It’s Sansa,” Sansa. Sansa. Her name alone made his insides turn to goo. 

“Mine is Stannis.” 

“I know,” she told him with a small smile. 

“I take it you remember me from your boss’ shop a month ago,” he said bitterly and her smile widened some more. 

“Of course I do, but it’s written on your nametag,” she said, pointing at his chest. Stannis swallowed embarrassedly. 

“I’ll see you around, Stannis. Come find me next door when you talk to Sam. I promise Baelish is almost never around,” she said as she left the shop. 

“Goodbye, Sansa.” 

Stannis spent some long minutes staring at the spot she was just in, but he didn’t need her help to learn something about pop culture and modern technology, for his brain was kind enough to show him what ‘error 404’ meant.


End file.
